Losing your job is a lot like getting dumped by the love of your life but it doesn’t have to be. I used to teach a class called Career Management at the Center for Arts and Technology here in my small city, in that class I taught students how to begin their careers but  I think at its hard, the lessons I taught struggling 3D animation students is true for all career paths and levels.

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First, let’s establish that your career is irrelevant. I know that’s a tough thing to admit but I want you to honestly feel the power of that statement, even say it out loud. Your career is irrelevant. It doesn’t matter, it never did. 

Secondly, look at what is in your wallet. What matters can be found in your wallet, open it up and look at the pictures of your loved ones. If you don’t have pictures of loved ones, it’s time to find some. If you got hit by a bus today what would your wallet say about you? If who you are is defined by the name on your business card I’ll give you tip, you can print business cards for around $49 per 1,000. You can be the Queen of England if that’s what makes you happy, so stop identifying yourself with your job title.

Look at your cell phone. Now … the tough question. Who’s in your favorite five? Take a few seconds and look at your iPhone contact list and ask yourself how many of those people do you love and how many love you in return? If you can’t find a half dozen people you’d trust with your cat in that list, you’re in trouble. If you can’t find at least two that you’d trust with your life, your job has taken over your life. What’s my point? People matter, jobs do not.

We spend our lives in high school trying to get good grades so that we can go to a good college, and we spend college trying to get good grades so that we can get good jobs. We move out of our neighborhoods, away from family and even across the country to pursue a dream of working for big name companies. Once there, we form relationships with others at those companies and then when our company closes or we’re laid off we lose our social networks and start over. It’s not the loss of a job that you mourn, it’s the loss of a tribe.

How to change your life

First, there is always one tribe that you’re part of. Go see your parents, they know you better than most people and they’ll be honest with you. Plus, your mom will make you pudding. Smell the house you grew up in, look at pictures of yourself in old cowboy outfits and try to remember who you really are. Too many people I know woke up one day and had no idea who they were or how they got there. Remember Ben Wades quote even bad men love their mommas? It works the other way too, go ask her how you got where you are today and maybe she’ll tell you where you need to go tomorrow. 

Secondly, have a good look at your life. If you need to have a good midlife crisis, do it. Take a plane to the other side of the planet and learn to kick box in Thailand or stay home and learn to mix drinks behind a bar. The technology industry is a tough beast, maybe what you really need is to get out and relax. I have a good friend who was killing himself working hard in the film industry, he left it a couple years back and now he’s the happiest man I know. If your career is killing you, quit.

Third, know what matters. This is critical. You might have been an IT wiz kid for the past 20 years but maybe it’s time to be a chef or a plumber. Look at your beautiful house and ask yourself if you need it, ask your wife if she’d be just as happy with you owning a gas station or working at the local hardware store. Knowing what matters will help you know what you need to do.

Finally, follow my simple three step guide to happiness:

1. Set realistic goals.
2. Reach your goals.
3. Repeat.

Something a little more helpful

Need something a little more helpful to get yourself back on track? OK simple … let’s talk about what you are and how you fit into the world. You’re an expert in your field or at the very least you should start believing that you are. Remember there is always somebody just behind you on the learning curve so it’s time for you to start writing a blog every day, help others understand what you know, so you can learn more.

I know that sounds counter intuitive but the more you talk about what you know, the more people help you learn more. They correct your assumptions, add to your knowledge and increase your understand of your subject. I once heard an old Chinese medicine theory about ginseng, apparently medicine men would give you ginseng for just about everything, if it cured you then it worked and if it didn’t cure you, you didn’t drink enough of it. Knowledge is the same, if you have enough of it you’ll always be successful. You only fail because you lack enough of it.

There is no wealth like knowledge, no poverty like ignorance. - Ali ibn Abi-Talib

Keep that in mind, I don’t care if your 35 learning to be a 3d animator or 55 learning to build shaker cabinets for the first time, knowledge is like a fresh mountain stream, the more of it you take the better you feel but unlike water it never runs out. In fact, the more of it you share the more is returned to you. That’s why writing a blog is so powerful, in order to write quality content you must first read quality content. Writing a blog isn’t about always being right, in fact something it’s about being corrected by people who know more than you do.

My 30 day challenge to you

Over the next 30 days I want you to wake up every morning an go for a half hour walk. Here’s what you’re going to do on that walk:

• Smile at the pretty girls in the coffee shop, or wave to the local barber
• Hold a door open for somebody or help somebody in a small way
• Buy fresh fruit from a produce shop and enjoy it

When you get home, read ten blog posts about a subject that interests you and then write one of your own. If you don’t already have a blog, I’ll set one up for you for free. If you don’t know how to find blog posts that interest you, search Google Blogs.

Subscribe to a dozen job sites using an RSS reader. Every day, after you’ve written your blog post take the time to send a personal email and resume to no fewer than ten positions. Point them to your website, let them read about your experience and expertise. 

Do that everyday for 30 days and I guaranteed you that you’ll be turning down work by the end of the month.